Part 1 Broken First of all i did not make this like most other gacha life music videos just for views or to tell a random story. I did this for my onw helth and mind. Too just give myself a way to think i gues and i wanted to see other peoples opinions or advised plus upploade videos here. This is goin to be a small series whit songs ofcourese. So ofcourese i dont want to reveal alot from my personal life but ill just do whats currently happening and how somethings in the past affected me till this day. Whit that i mean people that I loved i know at some point they did love me back. It just the way they broke my heart the way that they let it clear that they dont want anything from me. It hurt. It hurts alot. And ofcoure im still hurt but whit time things will get better. I mean everything happens for a reason. One day everything is goin to be alright.
Part 2 Dear society
Sooo in this video i just accepted that shes bad for me. That if i keep on trying to befriend her again ill hurt myself even more. A couple of days ago i was planin on killing myself just to make her happy or to please her. Becouse of her im having more suicidal thoughts and even try to hang myself or to jump of from the school secon floor. I even cut myself becouse she was laughing and talking beside me which i couldn't take anymore. Ofcoure she helped me alot whit my depresion that it got to the point that i couldn't live whit out her that i was obsess whit her but called it love. She is really bad for my health and im seing that i should learn to let go. Becouse is not the first time that someone that i love leaves me like im nothing and i always keept it whit me. So this time im just goin to accept it. Try to let it go. For me and my health. Becouse i do want to live and i know one day things are goin to be okey!
Part 3 Fall apart
In this one i wish that i added some more or did it diferently but im still proud of it. This is more like me dealing whit the voice in my head and about my identity/sexuality. I expres how i felt about being a girl in my deleted channel but ill explain a little now. I didn't felt comfterbal as a girl. I don't know exactly why at the momment but maybe it was becouse of all of the break ups. I though that me being a girl was the thing that ruind it all becouse im lebian. And when i was more likely obses whit this girl i knew she dint like me back becouse i was a girl even thoug she says shes bisexual i dont belive that becouse she never dated a girl but anyways i convince myself that i was transgender. I did felt way more comfterbal as a boy than a girl but yet people still call me a girl and its annoying. Plus i already knew that i could never be a boy. So im nonbinary thats mean that i personally dont see me as a girl or a boy you could say im genderless and i like it that way. Ofcoure if i had to choose a gender it would totally be a boy jaja but i dont care what people see me as. But i also have some moments where i just ask myself this suicidel questions. I try to ignore them but sometimes its too much and i just cry. Ofcoure i could tell someone but i dont and i fell to guilty and selfish doing that. So i keep it to myself sometimes i breakdown and let those thoughts take control of my actions but sometimes i pull myself up and keep on whit my day. At the end you could see the black eye thing i did it for two reasons one becouse i wanted too do it becouse i thoug it look cute/cool and two becouse its like a scar for the rest of your life so when people see it i can be proud to say that i survive that i made it thru another dark day and im still standing. That im trying to be positive to survive but i know that some day i wont just survive ill live!
Im a shame to say it but yes i had 7 girlfriend now their my ex's and my best friend which i had a crush on and she knew is my ex best friend...and it hurts....alot...i mean being dump 5 can make you dump 2 people becouse your just scare of being heartbreak again! I hate it! I wish i could just be whit someone in real life yes i meet all 7 of my girlfriends on line....im not proud of that...im really disgusted by myself some of the things i did...at this point im 1 desperate for love or 2 give on love itself. But rigth now i should first get over all of them and start too love myself before i even try to love someone else. I dint knew if i should have done this video but here it is! It did help a bit being honest yet i dont want to think about them anymore. I know that maybe there's someone out there i just hope to meet them soon one day...but things are getting better!
Thanks cor reading 💙
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